Hey there!

I'm not gonna pretend to be such a good person.

I'm not gonna pretend to have such a perfect life.

Welcome to where I drabble.

Layout credits to Fruitstyle Comm!



26 things I've learned so far....

Since I was a kid, I had a particular liking to learning new things. It didn't matter if I learned it from books, from TV, or from my teachers in school; the only thing that mattered was that I learned something new.

Now that I've graduated from schooling for almost four years, I found that important lessons are never found in books nor are they found in the classroom. Sometimes, we learn them in an excruciatingly slow way. Sometimes, we learn them while relaxing in a coffee shop. However, we need to open our minds and hearts in order for us to find the lesson in our everyday lives.

Here are some of the things I learned while going through my daily life:

1. No matter what happens, if you're going to deal with a lot of chili, wear plastic gloves. They'd bring hell to your hands if you don't.

2. My parents taught me that if you want something (and it's not illegal), fight for it. Do not follow what others dictate; fight for what you believe will make you happy because, in the end, it's just you.

3. I was taught that Japanese curry goes very well with kimchi, but graham crackers will never blend well with cream cheese.

4. A girl can eat thrice as much as she normally does when she's about to have her period.

5. Listening to music alone is nice. Listening to it with friends is way much better. 

6. You can expand your world by meeting new people through your interests. 

7. We will meet different kinds of people in this world. Some of them will just pass by your life, some will probably stay a little longer, some will bring storms into your life, a few would probably make birds sing, but a few would definitely stay until the end. Find those few people, they are the ones who will matter most in your life.

8. Be thankful for whatever little thing you have.  Yes, be thankful for instant noodles.

9. I was taught by most of my friends that ''you are who you are. What others say doesn't really matter''.

10. Listening to music early in the morning will probably make your day better. However, choose the songs wisely. 

11. As long as you have people who care about you, things will be okay. 

12. Simple things can bring more happiness compared to more extravagant things. 

13. My boss taught me that bosses can be monsters, but they just want you to be so much better (and that they just want to be monsters).

14. People skills are important if you want to get something from other people. However, I think being more sincere and honest is the way to go.

15. Let go of your pride. Things will look so much better.

16. Smile every morning. Smile before talking on the phone. Smile when you feel bad. Smile when you're angry.

17. Never change yourself for someone else. 

18. Some people are just born to do something, and they seem to know it the moment they were born. Unfortunately, most of us still have to find what we were really meant to do on this chaotic world. You're not alone in the race to find your life purpose. After all, I guess we're all participants in 'The Find-Your-Purpose Race'.

19. Some people can be really negative, but don't let them affect you. Love them, they might try to be a little less negative.

20. Sunrise and sunset are two of the most beautiful things in the world. 

21. If you're going through the most problematic days of your life, just remember that somewhere out there, someone is struggling with something worse. Be thankful that you're still alive and that you can hope for a better tomorrow. Be thankful for hope.

22. Stay healthy, but it's okay to be unhealthy occasionally. 

23. Love yourself, but do not be narcissistic. 

24. Give to others the same kind of care you got from other people. 

25. Never apologize for who you are. 

26. You are loved. 

An open letter to myself, or basically to anyone who can find themselves here

Through all these years, you've carried something you shouldn't have. Every year, the burden just keeps adding up; it gets heavier every time. Aren't you getting tired? I'm sure you are.

You've learned a lot about the arts, the languages, the sciences, but nothing seemed to help you when it comes to living your life the proper way. I'm sure you've felt like a total outcast most of the time because of how different you perceive things. They say it's because you're supposedly an artist; they say that it's a necessity for you to succeed in being one. But is it really?

You knew at the back of your mind that something is wrong; you did try to admit it, but it really doesn't get any better. 

You see people around you as separate beings and that putting yourself in the same picture with them seemed so wrong. Self-pity swallows you alive every time, and you get frustrated every time something doesn't work out well. However, you don't really do anything about it. Reaching out to other people proved to be a difficult feat for you. It takes ten times the effort just to reach out to someone and trust them with who you are, so when the time comes when they break your trust, you dive back down to the ground -- the pain becomes unbearable. Cutting seemed to ease the pain, a little bit though. It's just that you're not good at expressing your thoughts aside from writing, which makes your situation even worse. All those emotions that you've kept inside would just suddenly burst, and you end up hurting yourself more than you should. 

You thought about the sweetness of death, the bliss of not breathing anymore. Perhaps, ending it all would be so much better. You planned it all; you set things into place. In the end, however, you just couldn't do it because somewhere inside yourself, you knew you wanted a second chance. 

If you could, please let everything go. Let go of the burdens you've gathered from the past, and see how life can be refreshing and peaceful. Choose to live (if a second or a third chance). It may be hard and painful, but what's important is that you're moving forward. Continue even if you have to crawl. Soon, you will be able to stand on your own two feet and walk on your own. Soon, it will not be too hard to trust someone. Soon, it will not be too terrifying to love yourself, to love someone. 

Live on. 

the girl who decided to live after thinking about death

Night Robin

If you’re reading this, you must’ve been one of those who survived a very very tragic incident. People who are in control right now might be hiding the truth from everyone, but you must know what happened.  And this is why I have written this.

My name is Aria. I was the one who started all this. I never thought it would end up like this. I always knew something bad would happen but not something like this. At least not something like this.

About 80 years ago, the world broke out into an all out nuclear war. Only a few remaining portions of the land were left partially damaged, and most people who survived fought to have the land. Resources were scarce, so even after the war, a new kind of government was established. This was how the new society began.

Everyone had to make do with what they had. Everyone had to do what they had to do to get by – even stealing, even killing.

And I played a huge role on this. Now I’ll tell you how it all came to place – how all the nightmares and the horrors came to life, and how we wished no one ever survived the war 80 years back.

After the new government was established, the new society was also established. All the rich and important people who were able to hide well from the war came out and took hold of the highest positions. The eight highest families comprised the government; they were called the huit. 50% of the resources always went to them, 20% went to the ehre – the families that are a little bit well-off—and what was left was given to the nurs – the commoners. You have to understand though that about 80% of the population are nurs. It was abominable. People were dropping like fleas on the streets; children were so malnourished, you could see the outline of their bones on their skin.  My father, the leader of the current government, has been trying a more peaceful approach to solve the situation. He has been convincing the higher families to give more to the nurs. He believed that fighting for it would never end well.

And then I’ve had enough. I’ve had enough of just looking at the people and not being able to do anything. I’m the daughter of the man with the highest position in the society, yet I’m not able to help them.  

The idea came into mind when I was visiting a village with my father.

Two young nurs boys were caught stealing some bread from the ehre.  Punishment for stealing from the ehre was severe – it ended that the boys could no longer walk, not to mention move. 

At night, I hear their screams, and the image of them being punished kept repeating in my mind when I close my eyes. I was hypnotised by this scene. 

After a week of what seemed like a nightmare, I figured I could steal for these children, for these people.  Those boys were in no position to steal something; they were weak and slow.  But I’m not. I had access to all huit and ehre houses, I was a much better fighter compared to my bodyguards, and no one would suspect me.

The evening a week after that day, my alter-ego was born. During the day, I attended meetings and gatherings where we would think about how to further quell the nurs’ rebellion against us, but at night, I rebelled against my kind – I stole food from the huit and ehre houses every night religiously.

This went on for a couple of months. Some of the nurs were able to eat well, some had more medicine and got a little better, and some became stronger and more confident. My alter-ego was called the night hero of the nurs. Though this was such a good thing for them, in a certain way, it was such a huge problem for my father. The huit and ehre were so mad at my father because he wasn’t able to catch this ‘night hero’, and that they were losing a lot of food and resources every night.  They threatened to throw out my father from his position, and label our family as a honteux, an outcast.

I don’t know which was worse because either way, caught or not caught, my father and I would definitely be a honteux.

Please don’t get me wrong. I love my father more than anything in the world, and it pains me to see him suffering because of my actions. But what can I do to clean up this mess I started? The nurs were getting stronger and more rebellious every day. The huit and the ehre were getting more and more anxious, and they were pushing my father to the edge.

I tried to stop stealing in hopes that it would solve everything, but it just drove things further down the cliff – the nurs had started a rebellion, thinking that their night hero was caught by the huit’s army.

I finally told my father about it. The night before everything broke out, I talked to him and apologized to him. I could still remember how his eyes looked so sad and caring at the same time. He caressed my face like he used to do when I was still a child, and then he whispered, “It’s okay”.

The last thing I heard him whisper to me that night was, “You are my precious daughter; I will not let anything harm you. I love you, my dear.”

The next dawn, the uprising broke out.

The huit and the ehre forced my father to stand on the front lines. A mass execution was ordered for all the nurs.  

My father tried to convince everyone to stop fighting, but as he was trying to do so, the nurs captured him. I saw how they murdered my father. The people that I tried to help and feed murdered my father.

 I tried to run and stop them, but I couldn’t make it on time.  Just before my father died, he shouted that he was the night hero the nurs were looking up to, and then he looked at me with a smile.

The nurs, the huit, and the ehre were all startled by my father’s words. The nurs, fuelled by anger, and perhaps guilt, charged further towards the huit and ehre. I had no idea how I got out of there, however. I guess my bodyguards did their job well. They later informed me that my father ordered them to get me out of there as soon as war erupted.

 Soon my bodyguards and I were living in hiding. The huit and ehre won the war, but they suffered enough damage to fuel their anger so much that they ordered severe punishments for the nurs – families were separated, most of them became slaves, children were slaughtered, and families of those who joined the war were tortured until death.

For the past ten years, I have been training hard and devising plans on how to turn the tables with the huit and ehre. And now I’m ready.

I’ll be back, and bring life to the nurs, like what my father always wanted.

Spread the story, and tell everyone there’s hope. 


An Open Letter of Thanks

I've been thinking of what to do for today, and apparently, since I couldn't do anything else, I ended up with this.
So here goes...

Dear [insert my relationship with you here (basically, we start with 'friends'.. then you can add 'crazy', 'abnormal', ... the likes)],

I want to thank you for being a part of my [rather puny or insignificant] life. I want to thank you for the countless memories we've created, and for all those times you stood by me (or against me, whichever). Craziness, sadness, happiness -- all of these things made my life interesting even for a tiny bit. Thank you for pulling up when I was drowning in the course of sorrow, especially when I was about to really let myself be carried away by it. 

Each one of you is special to me. If I could hug and whisper to you, 'thank you', personally, I would really do it. How I really wish I could. 

Thank you for crossing the boundaries of language, beliefs, and location.

Thank you for believing in me whenever I felt like shit, and I wouldn't want to push myself anymore. 

Perhaps, my twenty-three years here on earth would be totally different if I hadn't met you. Each and every one of you is important to me, so thank you. :) 

with love,
That girl who used to spam twitter .... and other things/places.
  • Current Mood
    calm calm
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a break from normality


Simply. Wow.

I mean, it has been a long time since I last updated my LJ. I open my account, yes, to view friends' updates and all but I never really got to post an update myself. I don't know if it's out of laziness, out of time or just plain not-bothered-to-update-cuz-there's-nothing-good-to-write.

Since I have decided to update my journal, it means that something must have happened right?

Well, aside from the everyday work routine that I have gotten myself into, there's actually some good and bad news that sprouted in my life.


Yes, I applied for BS Applied Physics as my second undergrad degree. I went to my interview last Thursday and Sir Lou and Sir Sison were the ones who interviewed me.

It was a fun experience and honestly, I have never been so excited in my life. (Well, maybe I have already forgotten the feeling of such excitement that it makes me think that this is a first.) Dr. Sison was saying that my case is going to be a story to tell because no one, in the history of IMSP, at least, has ever taken a BA and a BS. And that no one has taken a second undergrad degree for 3-4 years. It's amazing, actually, and I am really excited.

Bad news: I don't know where to get 16k for my tuition in June and I don't know how to earn money while studying earnestly.

I'm ready to face the hardships as a working student; but, there's no security in it. It's going to be a tough road and it's hard to find a scholarship.

That's all.

It's about time

It's been a while since I actually last posted anything here in my blog.

Well, to be honest, a lot of things happened. Failed exams and interviews for job applications and such....

BUT, finally, through God's grace, I already landed a job. :)

I have been through a lot -- frustrations, boredom, insecurity -- but in the end, His plans prevails and slowly unravels itself.

I hope to learn a lot and experience growth in my new job. :) 
  • Current Music
    Burn (Acoustic) - Tina Arena
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This warm fuzzy feeling
This whirlpool of happiness
They come to overcome my heart
With every thought of you
Your smile that gives warmth to the cold day
Your gaze that makes my cheeks red
Your mere presence that makes my heart
Sing in happiness

I want to collect each minute
Every second that I spend with you
I want to treasure them, to remember them
Like collecting rainbows to color my days

If possible, these feelings I hold inside
Will shine and color your days too
If possible, the song of my heart,
You'll be able to listen to it

It's annoying, you know
When I find myself doing nothing
But just think of you
Or how I try to remember
How you spoke
How you smiled
And that spring-filled scent of yours

It's scary, you know
Will my feelings
Be able to color your days?
Do you feel
The same happiness that I feel?
Do you sometimes
Think of me as well?

This warm fuzzy feeling
This whirlpool of happiness
They come to overcome my heart
Your smile that gives warmth to the cold days
Your gaze that makes my cheeks red
Your mere presence that makes my heart
Sing in happiness

I want to cherish every minute
Every second that I get to see you
Every second that I get to spend with you
I want to treasure them, I want to remember them
Like collecting rainbows to color my days 

I'm scared
But still
i want these feelings 
To be able to color both our days
To be able to smile back at you
And make you happy as well
And make your heart
Sing in happiness
  • Current Music
    Kimi ni Todoke
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[Finished in 20 minutes.] 

A passing wind blew the warmth away
A leaf tried to follow it but fell anyway
Just like that
All hope of moving forward seemed to disappear
Ah, the raindrops started dancing on the ground

The warmth within me, slowly
It slowly faded into nothingness
Even hope itself seemed to freeze in time
The tiny light in my spirit
flickered in fear of dying down

I lied on the cold puddle of water
My skin, soaked in sorrow
shivered under the touch of the raindrops
Ah, I guess I can still feel
Even if my heart is drenched in gray rainbows

The clouds seemed to frown against me
It continued to cry for that little leaf
Where was it again?
I've lost track of everything
even time
Somehow, that little flame inside of me
froze unknowingly

I closed my eyes under the rain
What's the point of looking
when your eyes are filled with rain anyway

Maybe a storm came
I am unaware
But a storm formed somewhere else
That, I am sure

I wonder, when will the cold ice inside me
start becoming warm and eventually, melt?
I do not know if I'm shivering still
From within, I cannot feel anything anymore
Ah, I want to see the blue sky again

I tilted my head to the side
Opened my eyes a little
And, moved my lips a bit

That little leaf is moving still
  • Current Music
    Ray of Light - Shouko Nakagawa
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the end

Finally, the last chapter of Hagane no Renkinjutsushi was released.

I knew that this manga was one of the best ever written in the entire manga history.

I totally appreciate how it was written with wit and logic and values. I totally have no regrets in reading this series and I totally have nothing to say about it other than it was really really well-written.

Now, I think, it is time for me to watch it too. *cries*

I'm gonna miss waiting for this manga. :(